dementia

  • Open Windows

    We’re coming home from Tesco. Mum: I’m too hot. Me: Why don’t you open the window then? Mum: I don’t know how. Me: (encouragingly) Yes you do! You remember. Mum: (thinks) Oh, aye! (makes a grab for a handle) Me: NOOOOOOOOO! That’s the door handle! The windows are electric! Mum: Oh. Me: (plans on doubling…

  • Debate

    Me: Your granddaughter is going to parliament to watch a debating competition. Mum: Where? Me: Parliament. Mum: London? (smiling) Me: No, Edinburgh. Mum: (frowns) Ah widnae go to Edinburgh just now. Me: Why not? Mum: ‘Cos of that Legionnaires disease. Me: It’s not catching… Mum: (raises eyebrows)

  • Heinz Cream Crackers

    Me: Mum, do you need anything in this aisle? Mum: No, I’ve got plenty of biscuits. Me: This is the soup aisle. Mum: No. Unless they have Scotch Broth. Is that the one I like? Me: *mutters and throws cans into trolley*

  • Arthur Miller’s Turning In His Grave

    [tweetmeme source=”nettiewriter” http://www.URL.com] Another Tuesday, another tesco day with mum. Mum: Are you getting anything in Tesco today? Me: Yes, a few things. I need tea, bread, rolls…and if Claire had her way I’d be bringing home a pony. Mum: Phoney? Me: PONY! Mum: What? Me: A pony! It’s for Claire. She always asks me…

  • Don’t Panic!

    [tweetmeme source=”nettiewriter” http://www.URL.com] Mum: I phoned the doctor today and it was shut ‘cos there’s some sort of big emergency.

  • Knit one, print one…

    [tweetmeme source=”nettiewriter” http://www.URL.com] Mum asked me to find a knitting pattern for her as she has a lot of yarn in the cupboard. I had a look online and found a great site here where I found some I thought she’d like.

  • Hats, they make you deaf, you know.

    [tweetmeme source=”nettiewriter” http://www.URL.com] Me: Mum, can you pass me the prescription? Mum: … Me: Mum, please, pass me the prescription? Mum: … Me: MUM! Mum: What? Were you speaking to me? I’m wearing a hat. Me: … ***** Mum: What are you looking for? Gingerbread? Me: I don’t eat gingerbread. Haven’t had that for years.…

  • Jam

    [tweetmeme source=”nettiewriter” http://www.URL.com] Mum: I need jam. Me: Ok, what kind? Mum: Peach. Me: Peach?

  • Bonfire of the Insanities

    [tweetmeme source=”nettiewriter” http://www.URL.com] Mum got into the car for the trip to Tesco. Mum: There’s something burning. Me: I can smell it. Mum: Yeah – it’s no a fire it’s just stuff burning. Me: What kind of stuff? Mum: You know, the stuff you burn at Christmas and New Year. Me: ….. Mum: You know.…

  • Cheep Cheep!

    We walked along the pet food aisle in Tesco and got to the end when we had this conversation. Mum: They don’t have that stuff for my bird. Me: What stuff? Mum: Millet. Me: They don’t sell millet here. Do you mean Trill?* Mum: No. Millet. Millet. Me: From here? Mum: Yes. Millet. For my…