It will grow

Whenever a woman does something drastic to her hair, there’s a reason. Here’s mine.

I’ve been feeling much worse than usual over the past few months. Been so dry of mouth and eye, utterly exhausted, even by my standards, and oh, the pain. I hadn’t seen a doc since before Covid so booked a telephone consultation a couple of months back. The doc was lovely, very sympathetic, and thought it was high time I had my blood rechecked.

My first appointment had to be rescheduled because of the side effects I suffered after my Covid jag so it was last week before I saw the nurse who took an armful. No, really: 6 vials of the red stuff! I got a call from the surgery on Monday morning asking me to book a repeat for one of the tests as one of the levels was a bit high. I checked what my result was against the norm and really, I wasn’t overly worried. Then I got another call on Tuesday morn saying the doc wanted to talk to me later that afternoon about the last result to come in. If you thought I panicked, you’d be right.

My rheumatic factor was negative, but positive for ANA. Just. So I had been worrying myself sick for virtually nothing. Obviously, there is something wrong as my blood work does show quite a bit of infammation, but it almost always does. It just varies in the level. Nothing to get worked up over. And yet…

When the surgery phoned and asked for a same-day telephone consultation I thought that, at last, something definitive had been found. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to have rheumatoid arthritis or Lupus or cancer, but these things have treatments and can be successfully managed. I could look forward to perhaps improving. But I’m in the same situation I was in before. ‘Just’ fibromyalgia, a diagnosis given when they have no idea why you’re so unwell.

The doc asked again about all the various fibro treatments that have been shown to offer improvements for many sufferers. Not one has made a difference to me and I have tried them all. Please don’t suggest treatments to me. I have done so much research and if you’ve heard of it, I’ll have tried it or discounted it for a good reason.

So, this is it. Constant pain and exhaustion until I pop my clogs. It hit me like a freight train. Life just seemed so bleak and hopeless.

So, today I took the clippers to my hair because, why not? It will grow and I needed something to change.