I’ll pay for it.

Me: What’s that noise?
Mum: It’s just the trough falling out the car.
Me: The what now?
Mum: The trough.
Me: The trough? There’s no trough in the car.
Mum: The…trow.
Me: Trow? Do you mean trowel?
Mum: …
Me: Do you mean the windscreen scraper?
Mum: is that what you cry it?
Me: ………AAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

********

Next stop, the garden centre for lunch.

Mum: Is this where you pay for it.

Me: No, I’ll tell you where.

Mum: Is this where you pay for it?

Me: No, I’ll tell you where.

Mum: Is this where you pay for it.

Me: No, Mum. I said I’d tell you where.

I pick up the tray and walk to the cashier.

Mum picks up her heels and keeps walking.

Me: Mum! It’s here!

Mum: Why did you not tell me?

Me: …

*****

Last stop, Tesco, where we share a trolley.

Me: Please don’t put heavy things on top of my bread, you’ll squash it.

Mum: Oh, sorry. I’ll no do that again.

[fruit juice put on top of bread]

Me: Please don’t put heavy things on top of my bread, you’ll squash it.

Mum: Oh, sorry.

[ice cream on top of bread]

Me: (whispering) FFS!

       Mum, please don’t put heavy things on top of my bread, you’ll squash it.

Mum: Oh, see me? Hahahaha.

We get to the checkout.

Mum: Whose bread is that?