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Me: Mum, can you pass me the prescription?
Mum: …
Me: Mum, please, pass me the prescription?
Mum: …
Me: MUM!
Mum: What? Were you speaking to me? I’m wearing a hat.
Me: …
*****
Mum: What are you looking for? Gingerbread?
Me: I don’t eat gingerbread. Haven’t had that for years.
Mum: Och, you do. That Jamaican stuff.
Me: Really, I never.. wait, do you mean Soreen?
Mum: That’s it!
*****
Mum: I’ll have to get yours and George’s birthday cards.
Me: Oh, you’ve got plenty of time. It’s not til March.
Mum: That’s right, we’ve got to get past Vampire’s day first.
Me: Yes, Mum, love sucks.
*****
Mum: What was wrong with that woman on the till? Why did we have to move?
Me: Her till wasn’t working properly.
Mum: She might have told us.
Me: She did!
Mum: Did she? Oh, see this hat!
Me: Mum, you weren’t wearing your hat in Tesco.
Mum: No, neither I was.
Me: …
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